movies from books always end badly

now that i blogged about the olsen twins, whom i don't even like, i might add--i feel that it is my duty to share with the world (i.e. the 2-3 people out there who happen to read this occasionally) my thoughts on audrey niffenegger's latest novel her fearful symmetry in the event that this book also be made into a movie. p.s. the time traveler's wife was a phenomenal book and piss poor film.



i make the link between the o-twins and niffenegger's latest because it is essentially a tale of twins. the description of the youngest twins at one point in the novel compares them to spindly dandelions with white puffs for heads/hair, which while reading made me think of mary-kate and ashley. i would love for one day to be a casting agent in hollywood. they need someone who actually READS the novels to pick the actors that play these people. i hate reading about a very well described character only to find that if the book becomes a movie, the actor looks nothing like i would have imagined them to be. this is why i now forgo films about books i've read and don't waste my time on the books that most films are made after (i.e. anything by nicholas sparks or the twilight series for example). i've come to conclude since i have completed school that my time is precious and cannot be wasted on such shenanigans as bad books and films. this my dears, is why i waste my time blogging and facebooking instead. ;) furthermore, i have craft projects to complete this week as i am on vacation from my job (yes, i finally snagged a little job here, too...champagne all around!). now that i have said my piece on the casting of the tiny skeletons should this book ever hit the silver-screen, i am off to dismantle a shoe cabinet and refurb an old dresser. toodles!

flexitarianism? just another "ism" on the list.

as if the nutritional realm didn't have enough alphabet soup already, the term "flexitarian" is now becoming a popular pin-up girl type of jargon. i've been reading up on this idea myself because in my last post i was quite adamant that i would remain a full-fledge veg here in france. this was the case until we went to dinner at friends and the only items on the menu contained meat-based ingredients. these people KNEW i was a vegetarian and yet informed me: "fais pas chier et manges." for all of the non-francophone readers out there, ne cherche pas.

now, when i hear the term flexitarian, i get this mental image:




obviously, i am right on the money. this man has got to be all over the beef enchiladas and protein shakes. but actually, flexitarians, according to what i've found, are nothing more than "meat restrictors." this is to say, meat is generally avoided and in the following order:

1. red meat (never eaten/rarely eaten)
2. poultry and fish (occasionally eaten)

against my own desire and intentions, i think i'm flexing the ol' flexitarian muscle here in gaulois country. i think meat is something i may have to be prepared to eat if we are invited out. while most people are understanding and accommodating, as i mentioned above, others are not. i won't even go into the difficulty of requesting a vegetarian meal in a french restaurant! nonetheless, i intend to stick to my veggie ways within the confines of my home (last night i made couscous stuffed artichokes with french fries...DIVINE!!!) but lest i become one of those strange women who never goes outside, i think i had better make some big decisions fast.

p.s. i can't believe that in less that six months i caved! what a weenie. in my defense, however, if i know where the meat is coming from (i.e. fished/hunted by a friend, locally grown and butchered, free-range, organic, etc.) i feel like i have more of a choice as to whether or not i will consume it. i also am not just on the rampage consuming meat like a half-starved zombie (no, i am not talking about the olsen twins, either). helas, here are my musings on my failed stint as a vegetarian, tome deux.

WOO-HOO!

i got my work visa today! life is good. french administration is still silly though, as they are asking for proof that there was no "rupture" in my marital life from 2005-2010. nonsense. from now on though, it should be smooth sailing...providing that i can find a job in an economy with 9.7% unemployment. here we go!

vega-whatta-tarian? in france? are you SERIOUS?

i have now been successfully unemployed in france for three months. vive la france! vive la revolution! but i still refuse to become a country wife who spends her days doing cross-stitch and making jam...i do however, need to think about supper for the evening which brings me to this carence alimentaire-induced post. i feel like i have lived on nothing but cereal, yogurt, zuchinni, and tomatoes for the past 90 days.

i am still desperately trying to remain a vegetarian in france (despite duck filet *drool*, free-range local meat, etc.). i've read "eating animals." i have a social conscious. i feel that i am doing the right thing for the world and for animals. however, i'm hungry. and i am constantly met with comments like "yeah, i knew a guy who was a vegetarian for 25 years. then he moved here. now he eats meat. it just turned out to be easier on everyone." or better yet, the wild-eyed look i received from the woman in the supermarket the other day when i asked if they carried tofu. "quoi?" she replied, looking at me as though i had just stepped off of an alien aircraft carrier. i then tediously explained to her that tofu is a soy-based product often used in eastern cuisine as well as being a meat substitute for vegetarians. MEAT SUBSTITUTE? VEGETARIAN? the look of contempt and suspicion was all over her face. my quest was to no avail (in this particular shop).

furthermore, vegetarianism appears to be some sort of strange line that is walked in europe and acknowledged semi-knowingly by fellow europeans. in a restaurant a few weeks ago, after having ordered a vegetarian platter, i was brought the same amuse-bouche as my convives: foie gras. when i offered up said platter to my fellow table mates, raised brows and wrinkled foreheads looked at me as though i were yet again some crazy alien being. "you don't like foie gras?" i was asked. i then had to mention (again) that i was vegetarian. long pause. silence. "i don't eat any part of a dead animal," i said to clarify. blank stares. "it's just the liver," someone said. just the liver. this is like my good friend who lived in spain (also a veggie) being served some spanish salad with crispy toritilla bits in it. only she found out that the crispy bits were in fact pig skin. apparently in europe as long as no muscle (?) is being consumed it is a matter of no-harm, no-foul. this is at least my assumption thus far.

this is not to say that my veggie ways have been scrutinized by all here. some family and close friends are enlightened enough to realize that i am doing this for reasons other than my waistline or simple calorie-counting. it is therefore, quite enjoyable to sit down and have a meal with them. nonetheless, i find that i am struggling with being a vegetarian here in the land of 400+ cheeses (thank god i am not a vegan!). life (and produce) tends to be much more seasonal here, which is a big change from supermarkets in america where virtually anything was available almost virtually anytime. i am not, however, attempting to mold france to follow my lead, but perhaps just to fit my needs slightly more than currently.

i intend to bend and not break under pressure. as for tonight, it'll be boiled artichokes and pasta with tomato and mozzerella salad. we'll see how this gois. to be continued...

perhaps it's the summer heat. perhaps it's chronic depression. perhaps it's some quirky 60/40 or 80/20 combination of the two; nonetheless, my favorite blogger has been on hiatus for two weeks now...her scathing and quirky snippets are all that have kept me going as of late, and now i have nothing left to look forward to all. perhaps i will be subscribing to "tunafishdreams" instead.

you-who! how does this internet machine work?!?!

good morning america! arrival in france was flawless, and as any of you who have ever dealt with french administration can imagine, life is uncomplicated to say the least. wink. wink.

take for example our bout with internet service: orange (previously france télécom) owns the main landlines. we wanted SFR so we could call home for freebies...well, long story short, we're out 55 euros because SFR cut off our phone service with orange (which they shouldn't have done) and finally 8 weeks after our arrival here, we have service with orange instead of SFR. don't ask. it's complicated.

it's kind of like my paperwork to live and work here...it's complicated as well. in fact, our dog and cat are probably more legal to be living and working in the EU than i am, however, i don't see either of them getting off their keisters to do anything. helas...
i digress with this "sujet qui fâche" and furthermore, "cela m'incite à broyer du noir." i will stop here and rejoice in the simple things in life: minitel and the black beans that just arrived via la poste from my auntie. it could be worse, non?

top ten in teaching history:

my time as a teacher has come to a close. :) with many "student of the week" profiles gone by the wayside, i'd like to end the semester with the following top ten list...perhaps not the best, but surely the most memorable moments so far:



10. being called a "bitch" and "nice girl" in one breath by a student

9. having students ask me to move an 8:30 a.m. class time to accommodate them

8. being mistaken by students as a lesbian

7. receiving "love letters" on teaching evaluations at the end of the semester

6. getting grilled by students (see cuckoo chanel) on teaching evaluations

5. having one or two students turn out to be "cool" people and hanging with them post-class time

4. having students ask you if you "want to be a teacher when you grow up?" and telling them no

3. seeing justice served

2. getting an e-mail from a (minor) student asking for beer

1. not ever having to see their whiny faces again!!!

so long shit-stain, usa!

our worldly possessions are either shipped or sold, so now to mayberry i bid my final farewell:

pro bono is for boneheads

my original post title was going to be "pro bono is for boners" as i was recalling slang from years past (circa the sandlot when i was growing up and leave it to beaver when my parents were wee ones). i took one look at the hit results when i googled said term, and decided to avoid the porn, and keep it clean.

i'm bilingual. this causes people to flock to me when they need something done. currently, i am typing up health certificates for our pets so that they can move across the pond with us, and i also have to translate my husband and my driver's licenses. what stinks about this whole thing is that i'm not getting anything out of this except a neck ache and higher blood pressure. oy! i do hate capitalism, but oh, i love making money for the things that i do!

the bonehead award of the day goes to none other than yours truly. what a turd! furthermore, i am disgusted by the fact that "bonehead" appears to be a white supremacist band name also, and that there are still folks who carry out "white pride" events. gross. get over yourselves, whitey! and thank you google for enlightening me on a minute-to-minute basis.

metaphysics 101

life has been a little crazy lately. we're closing on our house with opey on monday, and as murphy's law would have it, everything that could go wrong, has- and it has happened to us. however, it would appear that cosmic forces are at work here, and despite a near miss with a tornado last night night (among other calamities), our house is still standing and the closing is a go for monday...

this lead me to do the only logical thing left for someone in my situation to do at a time like this: i consulted my tarot reading on facebook. classy, i know. reliable, also. all the same, ol' claire voyant over here told me the following and i gobbled this shit up, "Ten of Pentacles: Affluence all around you. Wealth of spirit and resources. Plenty to share with loved ones and friends. Financial security has been reached. Time to create a foundation that will secure wealth for long-term. Family life is in order. Cycle is at an end and you can be satisfied with your work. Stability is at hand. Relax and enjoy time with your loved ones." i'll be damned. and to think i have been worried. had i known all i needed to do was consult facebook for my future security and well being, i would have done it long ago, and could have possibly been all the better off for it. live and learn, live and learn.

even the amount of toilet paper and coffee in the house seems to be working out for our upcoming move. it's crazy i tell you! twinges of regret have been fleeting lately, though. despite how much we hate mayberry, there are folks here that we are going to miss...but nothing, not hell or high water, could keep us in shit-stain, usa anymore. we are on to bigger and better things now: firstly, living in my mom's basement; and from there, living at my mother-in-law's. it sure makes me glad that i went ahead and got that edumacation o' mine.

please hold...

i have essentially wasted the past hour and a half of my life.

opey bought the house. we close may 10th. it's wonderful, it's chaotic; we're trying not to get too excited until it's all said and done in the event that something in the cosmos jinxes us and screws it all up.

however, we have international movers coming next friday, we've sold almost all of our worldly possessions (which is really pretty liberating), and we are getting down to the nitty gritty stuff:

calling all utilities providers and having service canceled/set to transfer for the date of closing. i called our electricity company and waited on hold for a half an hour only to be told that because the account was not in my name, i was not authorized to have it shut off. following this, i waited a while, called the gas company, phone company, and still have to hit the water and trash service here in town. but in the mean time i got smart. it's probably illegal and considered to be fraud in most places, but a lot flies here in mayberry. i called the electric company back and pretended to be the name on the account. whether they believed me or not, it worked. thank god!

it is so infuriating to just sit and listen to terrible music while on hold. i even got bored and googled "please hold." would you believe that there is a company that SELLS "professional on-hold messages, music on hold, voice over recordings, voice mail greetings...?" now, i checked out the site, and while if i were a business owner, i would not find it legit, many testimonials on their site suggest the contrary: http://pleasehold.com/ph2001/testimon.htm

anyway, an hour and a half later and some credits and debits for and against us, it looks like this house will soon be an empty shell of where two crazy hermit crabs once dwelled. apparently, i do not know the past participle of "to dwell." i leave you now as i go in search of grammatical correctness (i'm not sure why spell-check is underlining "dwelled" and must know!) and then head off to see my grams. tchao!

lately...

i've lost the will to blog.

having babies like a chicken pooping out eggs...

simone de beauvoir was kinda of a super bitch (if i were still dwelling on some other topic, i bet i know who would have been a great buddy for her).
<-- just look at that scornfulness! she asserted in her text "le deuxième sexe" that women who pooped out kids all the time were basically like chickens pooping out eggs. don't get me wrong, i think kids are neat. i even watch someone else's as a part-time job (forgive me if i am repeating myself). i have nieces and nephews. we have friends who have kids. i just don't feel that need to have a kid, though.
i am disheartened by the overpopulation of our earth as well as the fact that countless children are born into families/situations where no one wants them. most days i feel like we are on a sinking ship and that no one seems to give a damn about our collective future anyway, so what's the point of procreating only to have a kid who's going to grow up knowing possible famine, despair, and severe poverty. i realize that this occurs constantly in our current world, but this is yet another reason that i feel that issues such as abstinence-only education and limitation of birth control (making more expensive, i.e. less readily available to those who might really need and want it) are big mistakes in industrialized nations (specifically the u.s.).
i'm by no means attacking anyone who wants to have a child. i just feel that our society is so procreation-oriented that i am bogged down by the constant questions from family, friends, and the occasional stranger, who feel that it is their duty (or perhaps right?) to pry into my sex life to see when my man and i plan on pooping out kids. i used to be able to use school as an excuse, but it seems as though i am going to have to start telling folks straight up that i don't feel the need/desire to shoot out any spawn of my own.

sy"phyllis" can be treated and cured

last boring entry on this subject: after much soul searching and deliberation, i finally decided to bite the bullet and swallow the jagged little pill that was my release from my recent 'bout with ol' syph...

according to the CDC: "Syphilis is easy to cure in its early stages. A single intramuscular injection of penicillin, an antibiotic, will cure a person who has had syphilis for less than a year." that sounds a bit like my phyllis, too. however, i took a couple of shots of vodka and wrote her off that way. i was nice about it. i gave her a heads up before giving her the boot on facebook; it really just boiled down to not wanting to put up with the shit anymore. i'm not twelve-and even when i was, this stuff bugged the hell outta me. now that this has dragged on for nearly a year, i thought it was high time to move on. some things are just not worth the effort. cheese and booze-always worth the effort. especially when they're free. bitchy girls-not worth the energy at all!

besides, there are no certainties in life (except death and taxes as they say!), but it is not uncommon for friends to come and go. some things were not made to weather the storms. shoot, some people don't even pay their taxes, so that's not even a certainty. furthermore, with walt disney being deep-frozen by cryogenics, even death has become more and more beatable.

anywho, i need to let go and except the fact that my money and that damn lavender dress will never be sent back to me. my books and any other belongings that were swapped when we were super buds are long gone, too...and i s'pose at the end of the day, stuff is just stuff. it doesn't make me who i am, but it sure does piss me off due to the principle of it.

i just don't get why some women have to be so hard to get along with. i hate sexism. i don't think that human beings are that different overall, but there are times that i really do think that men are easier to get along with than women...then again, i was an only child growing up, so i know that there are other days where i hate men equally and really only get along well with myself. at least i can always count on me. :) sarah silverman claims to be a "me-mosexual" so maybe i am a me-santhropist...i do tend to like myself much more than anyone else. ;)

sy"phillis" update

that damn purple dress (see post #3 "how to lose a friend in one dress") has become the bane of my current existence. sy"phyllis" (once phyllis) has become a full blown case of mental distress to me, much like the effects of the actual syphilis disease that can lead to insanity and blindness...
i am blinded by a fury that is leading to my insanity!
to recap: we left off in february with the rupture in our friendship. after stewing on this for about a week, i decided that we were too old to be behaving like adolescents and i e-mailed syph to let her know that while i definitely felt we had drifted, i didn't think it was insurmountable. this seemed to temporarily open up the floor for discussion. we both got some things off of our chests rather tactfully, i felt, and i was certain that we could move on. i had feared that our relationship would be altered, and it has in fact been difficult to repair. nonetheless, last month i packed up a small box of books (two, i think) and stuck a friendly note in for syph apologizing for having kept the books so long, wishing her and the fam well, and requesting that she send me some of my things at her earliest convenience as we are trying to box our life up and ship it out of mayberry.
i've heard nothing.
i posted a note on her facebook (yes, when we "reconciled" syph re-added me as her buddy). still nothing. that was over a week ago, and i have been creepy enough to stalk her. she's had time to add new friends and update her profile picture. THIS IS RIDICULOUS! i was NICE! (which is not easy for me). ugh.
so yesterday i e-mailed her. STILL NOTHING. at first i thought, "okay, she's busy." but then i thought, "babies are portable!" (i keep one several times a week. it's energy draining, but they are very mobile and permit you to live your life in spite of their constant need for food, sleep, and attention). then i started to get pissed. and the more i stewed, the madder i got. it has now turned into a full-fledged syphilis flare up. i am raging. i am also ready to send her a nasty e-mail telling her to send me my FU@#$%*& dress/money from her wedding (now almost a year behind us) as well as some of my favorite feminist novels that i lent her. argh!!!! i'll give it through the weekend so as not to act rashly, however, regardless of what i hear from syph at this point, i would really just like to throat punch her snobby ass.

Goob, did anybody ever tell you you've got a big mouth?

ahhhh, iconic small town america. it brings to mind the likes of andy griffith, father knows best, and leave it to beaver. it's the time that conservatives still long for; however LUCKILY for some of us, this small town america still endures in our daily lives.
you know you are part of (or consequently NOT part of) small town america when your city/town is engulfed by more churches than there are liquor stores as well as being looked down upon because you do not vote republican. there are only two liquor stores in our community and five times as many churches. i kid not!
if my husband and i were characters from the andy griffith show, he would be aunt bee and i would be otis, the town drunk.
in fact, this is actually how we came to find out this evening who the interested party in our house is. we were making a run to the liquor store and good ol' mr. beer store began to question us upon our impending departure from mayberry. come to find out, mr. beer store's nephew opey is checking out our property. it makes me want to add opey as a friend on facebook and get the contract signed and this whole business out of the way. the stress is becoming too much for aunt bee and me. mayberry was an alright stopping point in our journey, however, i couldn't settle here. otis was always getting into trouble in mayberry and so am i. i run my mouth too much, writer letters to the editor about environmentalism and the likes, and just generally rub the ultra-con's the wrong way (as they do me).
ironically, i find wholesome mayberry's devout support of the republican party just a tad on the hypocritical side in light of the recent RNC problems revolving around misuse of funds at a bondage themed strip club. that's the problem with our mayberry and all of the mayberries of america: on the surface they seem so quaint and wholesome, but when you scratch the surface, dirty laundry like heavy drugs (fabrication and sale of), child sex abuse, violence against women, teen pregnancy (what else do teens have to do in a town with no movie theater or bowling alley?) and overall stupidity of the general population comes spilling out. urp.
in any case, the over abundance of god and lack of vodka are only part of why we are leaving mayberry, but either way, it's about damned time!

ninja cat!

our *little* kitty (who you saw spooning with our dog in my previous post) has some stealth moves. tonight we had company over and cooked out on the grill.
it was black bean burgers for the veg lovers and rib-eyes for the meaties. all of this feast was accompanied by coleslaw and fries (both homemade) and the assortment of typical bbq condiments including tomato slices.
following supper, we had migrated to the living room where we were discussing various fascinating topics such as excessive gassyness, real estate, and power tools (don't you wish you could join our dinner parties?!?). while we were hashing these subjects out to their fullest potential, senor gato came speeding across the living room floor holding between his teeth the baggy of tomatoes that had been on our kitchen table, only to hop on the dog's bed and stick his nose in to commence his royal cat feast.
i am still perplexed as to how he got the bag of 'maters off of the table and also as to how he made his way so stealthily across the house without making a huge mess. however, this cat is 15.5 pounds, so i think he has his fair share of practice in making off with our household provisions. i'm thinking of installing a nanny-cam to see what he's up to when we're not around.

bad habits

worse than my excessive drinking, swearing, and fingernail biting is my habit of spying on my neighbors. i'm sitting here minding my own business spying on my neighbor's pets out of the living room window. i think this is an inherent behavior that i acquired from years spent in my youth with my maternal grandmother (whom we now know is just plain cuckoo). she used to peek out the blinds at the neighbors to see who the smith's son was dating-"oh my, like what the cat's dragged home this time! i wonder what his parents think of her"-and probably still does for that matter. in any case, as i was saying, i was just sitting here minding my own beeswax when i noticed a fight break out across the street. it was one of those interspecies brawls that tends to be accompanied by lots of moaning and hissing. what i can never figure out though, is how dogs don't smarten up enough to just leave pissy cats alone?!?! our dog used to do that with one of our cats, and it always ended poorly for the poor little poodle (to clarify: she's not really a poodle, i just use that to insult her when she's been bad-i feel that calling a dog a poodle is probably the equivalent of calling a woman a bitch). i'm not really in favor of degrading anyone, but sometimes people (or pups) need to be put in their places. perhaps this is why cats are so rough on canines. however, i just somehow always get the impression that they feel morally superior to their four-legged counter parts, and this hurts my feelings for dogs. i prefer to see interspecies "canoodling" as a good friend of mine calls it; fortunately one of our feline friends is much more tolerant and diverse enough to put up with the poodle. here is a shot of them loving it up:

i wonder if it is solidarity because they are both black and big eared. whatever the case may be, they seem to be an exception the "fighting like cats and dogs" rule.

i want to dance naked like a pagan!!!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5udbj_sigur-ros-gobbledigook_music

this song is not only my most adored sigur ros song ever, but the mere thought of dashing through the woods in my tennis shoes and nothing else is very tempting in this fine spring weather. i might need it to warm up a few more degrees before actually considering doing this, but it would be divine.

i watch this video and the music makes me happy. the naked, dancing human bodies are not put on display in a fashion that strikes me as vulgar, and somewhere deep inside me, my pagan desires stir. i think of cassandra in dodie smith's i capture the castle celebrating the summer solstice up on the mound near belmotte tower, and i too, want to gather wildflowers, light a bonfire, sing, dance and celebrate life.

new blog followers!!!

this is how i feel every time i log on to my blog only to see that i have gained yet another loyal follower! so far i'm at 8. considering the fact that i am neither interesting nor do i know more than about 50 people, i am quite pleased with this success. however, one follower is a double, and several of them follow anonymously (which drives me crazy!)...hypocritical, i know, right? here i am, ms. mystery blogger herself, and yet i can't stand to not know who half of my followers are. it's sheer torment. so, dear anonymous blog followers, thank you for your readership, but WHO ARE YOU?

who are any of us, really? with all of our social networking tools these days we can reshape and refashion ourselves into just about anyone we feel like being. at times it feels like another mask for us to hide behind, but generally i feel that i can express myself much more freely here than i could in any other professional or sometimes private setting. most of the time though, i feel like i did when i was 8 and i would write in my journal about how much i love joey mcintyre from the new kids on the block or antonio saboto jr. from general hospital. i even went to the trouble of sending "jagger" (that was his name on the show) a fan letter telling him how amazing i thought he was and how much i wished i could meet him. i think i got one of those cheesy pre-signed photos back...it probably got tossed when i realized that soaps were stupid and muscly men weren't such hot stuff after all.
what can i say? this was also at the time that i was in love with clark kent off of the "new" superman series...people can change.
in any case, my blog is my new diary and somedays i feel 8 again (writing about heath ledger, or even how consumed i've become with this whole tiger woods scandal!)-most of the time though, i feel slightly more clued in as far as politics and social issues go. when i was 8, i just wanted to save the animals. now i have a more diverse selection on my social palate.

now that i've had my crowning glory of additional blogsters for the weekend, i'm off to clean some house and finish up a little renovation here and there. with any luck the house will be on the market this week...and there are already rumors that people are interested. cross your fingers fellow bloggies!

flick it for social action!

it's earth hour day--well, almost! hooray!!! i get very excited about social action, and i was in fact, prompted to write one of my first ever letters to the editor today due to the fact that i received no response from our podunk community about my suggestion to promote earth hour here this year. additionally, they sent out letters to everyone yesterday stating that the recycling program in our town is not making enough money and will either require a tax hike or they will do away with it. WTF?!?! i incorporated these two issues into my letter emphasizing the fact that if we do not take care of what we have on this earth now, it will be gone forever. i'm sure that this idea will go over well in a community that largely believes in the second coming and welcomes the end of the world as the rapture. eek. suffice it to say, ours will likely be the only house in the community that will flick the lights off tomorrow in celebration of earth hour. i will do it gladly, however, and pride myself on my moral superiority. ;) we have company coming and i have already forewarned them of this event...i think we'll make it interesting for their children by lighting the chimenea out back and toasting marshmallows (weather permitting).
i'm feeling VERY socially inclined as of late. i think it's a combination of factors:

1. we just watched "capitalism: a love story." nothing fills me with inspiration faster than leftist propaganda.

2. all of this hype (not to mention the bitching and moaning) surrounding the health care bill/law. even my dad (he's very conservative) feels that this law infringes upon his freedom. hmmm. to him, and to every other person who utilizes this excuse, i posit the question: how is being in a financial situation that does not allow a person to even afford health care constitute freedom? i can't afford it. my HR rep at Fantastic University (FU!) told me straight up in her most legit street lingo, "girl, you can apply for insurance, but there's no way you can afford it on your payroll." dear conservatives, you're right: i don't deserve proper health care, or peace of mind that if some malheur befalls me i would receive appropriate care. thank you for your wisdom and good sense! sincerely, me. ugh. i just can't even go there right now.

3. i've been searching for "real jobs" surrounding our impending move, and the majority of the ones that really intrigue me are in social/ethical fields of work. fair trade, sustainability, etc. i would love to go to work everyday knowing that i was having a positive impact on my own personal, local nucleus as well as the earth as a bigger picture, too.

4. i've been (re)reading a bunch of feminist lit lately. some new, some old, but all notable in that they are rekindling the fire in my belly that inspired the title of this blog in the first place...i still want that revolution! worthy of mention here are: atwood's the handmaid's tale and the edible woman, ozeki's my year of meats, dodie smith's i capture the castle (not "feminist" per se, but has many feminist elements/themes-also just a fabulous read), plath's the bell jar, piercy's woman on the edge of time, and satrapi's persepolis.

in all, it's been a pretty grim week on the home-front due to a loss in our family, but despite all of this, i am feeling oddly optimistic. perhaps it is spring peeking up at me and smiling through the patches of daffodils cropping up all over the lawn, or the feeling of sticking it to the man (no matter how small the action is) in order to make my voice heard, or even still it is possibly the voices of previous revolutionary women speaking to me through their powerful works, encouraging me to trudge onward, uphill, head down but determined that things will change. things must change. and so, i sign off this evening lighter in heart and spirit; looking forward to the simple action that will make my voice part of the bigger picture tomorrow as i tuck my chin down and trudge on towards change. when i flick out the lights tomorrow, i will be thinking: "TURN THAT SHIT UP!!!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eZAqMYat-0&feature=fvst

old dan tucker

i've been pondering my survival skills since thursday. the weather was beautiful: sunny, warm, a light breeze. i felt it was perfect to start planning for the big garage sale that i've needed to have before moving. so being miss organization, i placed an ad in the classifieds (now i'm out a whole $3.50!), put up signs in the yard, hauled all of my things out and got the garage set up for saturday morning. enter my darling husband who came home from work and asked me "don't you know it's supposed to get cold and snow this weekend?" crap. well, no, i didn't know. how could that be? it's late march and the weather was perfect...there was no way! little did i know. in any case, i carried on hoping for and expecting the best. friday began well, too. balmy, a little gray, but still nice and springy. then the wind started up. then the rain started to fall. then the temperature dropped. and then the precipitation turned to sleet and snow. double crap! so i crafted up a little sign to let the local yokels know that i would reschedule when the weather got warmer (what?! it was cold and i was not prepared to sit in the garage and wait around on people that might or might not show up with no heat!). the crazy thing is, as i was posting the sign, two dingleberries stopped to ask if i was still having the sale. it's crazy how sales bring people out of the woodwork in search of a good deal. however, the real issue that has been troubling me is still the fact that if this were 1848 and i were travelling on the oregon trail, i would have probably killed off my entire party due to my inability to read the forecast. :( we would have been trapped in the snow like those poor children in david laskin's children's blizzard. i realize that this is really not that big of a deal, but the thought just keeps nagging at me that i am perhaps not evolutionarily sound...just cross your fingers that i never set out in my car when there is a chance of snow in the forecast!

it's a gangsta life

this is me. well, actually, THIS --> is michelle pfeifer from the 1995 smash hit (or maybe not) dangerous minds. my point is, teaching is hard, and it's not all days filled with neurotic students like cuckoo chanel who take ten minutes to select a desk that is suitable enough for them to place their scrawny little bird buns upon. in other words, i'm not doris day everyday. some days, i'm like pfeifer over here: a kick-ass lady who doesn't hesitate to use my past karate knowledge to put my students in their place.

this brings to mind one particular "gangsta" incident in my experiences...

i had a student a few semesters ago who looked like this:



so this student--we'll just call him "so-so" because he was really only so-so at everything, including being so-so intimidating and so-so infuriating! so-so showed up for the last 3 minutes of class one day when an assignment was due. now keep in mind, if you are not in my class, i count you absent. if you are absent with no valid reason, i won't accept your homework. them's the rules pardner!

so-so tried telling me how vital it was that he turn in this assignment, but i remained firm telling him that i couldn't simply start bending the rules here and there for people or there would be no point in having the rules at all. mind you, so-so's reason for missing class that day was that his alarm clock did not go off due to a power outage. boo-hoo! class started at 12:30! come on!

long story short, so-so and i went 'round and 'round. first he tried flattering me, but when he saw that my affections could not be bought, he got angry and belligerent. he informed me that while i was "a nice girl in most cases" that i was "being a real bitch on this account." now, i don't know about any of my other feminist cohorts out there (wink! wink!) but simply being called a "nice girl" by someone who is supposed to have a minimum of respect for me pushed me over the edge. for that to be followed by "bitch" was too much.

i invited so-so to come with me to plead his case to my superior. he refused stating that he was double parked outside and couldn't afford a ticket.
so-so's offenses just kept growing. double parked? it is a one-way, single-lane street out there! how dare he! additionally, it kept flitting through my mind that this young man had not only caused problems in my own class throughout the semester, he had intimidated two of my colleagues previously.

i took it upon myself to have so-so removed from my class. i didn't feel that i (or anyone else for that matter) should be treated in such a way. from here, the plot thickens. my direct supervisor backed me fully. so-so was sent notification to not come to my class and not have any contact with me whatsoever. either he didn't check his e-mail, simply doesn't know how to read, or thought that the notification was an idle threat, he showed back up to class. he was escorted out. did i mention that this is because i filed a formal complaint. well, i did.

i guess this didn't set too well with so-so and he wrote a response statement talking about his confusion and dismay at my overreaction. things seemed to be going well, however, and it looked like so-so was going to be permanently removed from my class...until it was discovered that so-so's family gave oodles and buckets of moolah to support my place of work. so that's why he felt so entitled! the politics of this all threw a monkey wrench in the sense of justice that i had been feeling. instead of being punished like any other "normal" (and by normal i mean, poor/working class) schmuck, so-so was given the option to drop my class and switch his program of study. what a kick in the balls!

the icing on this bitter cake was that as i walked to my car one evening, so-so pulled up at a stop sign where i was crossing the street (no, he didn't try to gun me down, but i bet he was thinking about it!). i didn't know it was him until he rolled down his tinted window and hollered: "it's okay, you know! it all worked out for the best, anyway!" oh the audacity! i just kept walking and ignored him, although i really wanted to go AWOL and jump of the hood of his car and kick in his windshield.

did i mention that so-so was rolling in a late model c-class benz? sunroof, alloy wheels, hood ornament! the outrage.


i was disgusted by his decadence and flamboyance (generally i like flamboyant folks, but not when it's simply to show off their goods!). all i could think of was NTM's "ma benz," which i will leave you with for your listening pleasure while so-so is out there somewhere this morning probably nursing a massive hangover and trying to figure out how to buy his way out of any date-rape related crimes he may have committed over the weekend.

I'm No Heroine

i'm feeling particularly inspired today despite the cold, spring storm that rolled through these parts yesterday.



this is an oldie, but a goody:

i'm no heroine

ani di franco

you think I wouldn't have him
unless I could have him by the balls
you think I just dish it out
you don't think I take it at all
you think I am stronger
you think I walk taller than the rest
you think I'm usually wearing the pants
just 'cause I rarely wear a dress

well...

when you look at me
you see my purpose,
see my pride
you think I just saddle up my anger
and ride and ride and ride
you think I stand so firm
you think I sit so high on my trusty steed
let me tell you
I'm usually face down on the ground
when there's a stampede

I'm no heroine
at least, not last time I checked
I'm too easy to roll over
I'm too easy to wreck
I just write about
what I should have done
I just sing
what I wish I could say
and hope somewhere
some woman hears my music
and it helps her through her day

'cause some guy designed
these shoes I use to walk around
some big man's business turns a profit
every time I lay my money down
some guy designed the room I'm standing in
another built it with his own tools
who says I like right angles?
these are not my laws
there are not my rules

I'm no heroine
I still answer to the other half of the race
I don't fool myself
like I fool you
I don't have the power
we just don't run this place



p.s. i get to see her in concert soon. na nee na nee boo-boo!

I'm Ulrich von Leichtenstein, from Guilderland, and these are my faithful squires.

i don't get too sappy about stars and celebrity goo, but i miss heath ledger...i mean, it's not like i knew the man personally, but i remember seeing him for the first time when he hit the american silver screen in the 1999 teen hit 10 things i hate about you. whew! did i have a crush?! i'm reminiscing today because as we work on house projects we have a knight's tale on in the background. what a fun, fabulous film! in virtually every role he played he was phenomenal--a good actor, and then that whore mary-kate (or was it ashley) olsen ruined him. c'est la vie, i suppose. in any case, it was a great loss to the acting community and to me. i think from here i will switch films and put on the four feathers, or some other golden ledger nugget.

tasty morsels!!!

ah, spring break! a few days to myself filled with grading papers, working on the house (yes, still) and getting inspired cooking!

i usually let my man do the cooking-it's a simple fact of nature that men are better cooks than women-but tonight i felt inspired. so i whipped up some stuffed portobella mushrooms, corn on the cob, and fresh asparagus...all of this was topped off with some organic wine and french cantal cheese. dessert will probably be greek honey yogurt and raspberries. :) yum!

for the fellow veggies out there (or simply those curious about new cuisine) here's the recipe:

1. clean and prepare the portobella mushrooms (keep the inside/stems to mix w/ the other veggies.

2. in a small pot soak 1 c. of quinoa in 1 1/2 c. of cold water for 15 minutes. then rinse (in a fine mesh strainer) and put the quinoa back into the pot with another 1 1/2 c. of water. bring to a boil and then simmer 15 mins.

3. in a deep skillet heat some vegetable oil/olive oil and sauté with 2 garlic cloves. stir in chopped red pepper and fresh or frozen spinach. then mix in the quinoa.

4. spoon the veggie/quinoa mix into the portobellas and grill 10-15 minutes.

5. while grilling the mushrooms, toss on some ears of corn. in another skillet, heat some grapeseed oil/olive oil and almond slivers. toss in a small bunch of fresh asparagus (1/2 lb.) and cook until tender. if you time it right, this should coincide with the mushrooms and corn.

6. serve it up with some good wine (homemade bread would make this filling meal even more delicious!) and cheese.

7. top it off with some tasty yogurt and fruit for dessert.

DEEEE-LISH!

PETA = Perverse Exploitation of T & A

i've been a little lazy (actually, just too damn busy) lately, but i have for you a response (with my comments/afterthoughts in red) from PETA regarding the complaint i lodged with them vis à vis their blatant sexism and exploitation of the human body:

Dear étudiante enragée,

Thank you for your letter to PETA. I hope that you’ll allow me to explain the thoughts behind some of our tactics. by all means, i'd love to hear it!

PETA’s purpose is to stop animal suffering, and we use all available opportunities to reach millions of people with powerful messages. so, let me get this straight: animal suffering is wrong, but perpetuation of female disempowerment is acceptable? We have found that people do pay more attention to our more provocative actions, and we consider the public’s attention to be extremely important. does it not matter that people are paying attention for the WRONG REASONS?!?! Sometimes this requires tactics—like naked marches and colorful ad campaigns—that some people find outrageous or even “rude,” but part of our job is to grab people’s attention and even shock them in order to initiate discussion, debate, questioning of the status quo, and, of course, action. maybe i should start going to class naked in order to get my students to pay attention! t & a is much more fascinating to pervs than social issues. come on, PETA! hmm, what kind of discussion and debate does this inspire? action, i can guess, is a bunch of horny men beatin' it thinking about women chopped up like veal. sexy. The current situation is critical for billions of animals, and our goal is to make the public think about the issues. again, animals are MORE important than humans? can we not fight multiple battles at once? it seems a moot point to me to fight for animal rights if we cannot simultaneously struggle for the ethical treatment of half of the world's population as well.

Unfortunately, getting the animal rights message to the public is not always easy and straightforward. right. it's too hard to give people facts about the inhumane conditions of factory farms and disgusting practices of slaughterhouses. i concede, i am unaffected by the "meet your meat" films. hardy har har. i call your b.s. here. Unlike our opposition, which is mostly composed of wealthy industries and corporations, PETA must rely on getting free “advertising” through media coverage. so all of the celebrities who endorse PETA don't contribute any monetary funds to you? alec baldwin? natalie portman? pam anderson and her girls? hmm... We often do outrageous things to get the word out about animal abuse, because sadly, the media usually do not consider the facts alone “interesting” enough to cover. which is why stephen colbert recently invited jonathan safran foer on his show for his new book "eating animals." i realize that these topics have become trendy because of folks like foer, michael pollan, and eric schlosser, but there are many out there who get the message. Colorful and controversial gimmicks, on the other hand, consistently grab headlines, thereby bringing the animal rights message to audiences around the country and, often, the world. "colorful" seems to be a euphemism for "highly sexualized" or perhaps even "misogynistic." take a look at these PETA ads for their "color." i especially like the images of scantily clad women in full makeup looking lustfully into the camera with the words "shackled, beaten, abused" accompanying them. in a day and age where violence against women is commonplace (think it isn't? what about poor chelsea king from california last week?), there is nothing more shameful than pairing sex and violence in a way that turns people on. these ads may shock those who are already informed, but essentially, PETA is preaching to the choir. any hardcore meat eater will look at those photos and see nothing but a homonid that is theirs for the taking. way to persuade and make a point PETA.

Although PETA has been a leader in creating “buzz” to support our cause, we aren’t alone in recognizing its value. According to Brett Gosper, former CEO of Euro RSCG Wnek Gosper, an advertising firm which created a controversial anti-racism campaign, “If your communication is selling a cause, then shock tactics may not just be an option, they may be essential. PETA doesn't use "shock tactics." it uses good old fashioned sex. and while sex may sell, it's selling the wrong message in these ads. Budgets on cause-related work are so low that it is imperative for the media to relay your communication and multiply its visibility. Media won’t do this out of the goodness of their hearts. The more controversial the advertising, the more space it will get.” right. like i said before, i know who PETA's big name endorsers are. i doubt they are lacking funds, especially if we were to compare their budgets to similar causes and more holistic, grassroots organizations.

We wish that that weren’t the case. We would much prefer to do things without the gimmicks—if only it worked. i bet. it's probably pretty nice to get attention from all over due to the sexually appealing women (oh, excuse me, and the OCCASIONAL token men) you feature in your ads. We’d like nothing better than to be able to show the media videos of factory farms, fur farms, and animals in laboratories and have them find it newsworthy enough to cover. But they don’t. what about the AP? NPR? there are worthy news sites out there. if you make an effort, someone will pick up on it and give you the coverage you deserve. i think, however, that you may prefer the mainstream coverage despite the effects of it on the advancement of women. However, when we attach a gimmick, that very same animal abuse ends up in newspapers and on televisions nationwide. Experience has taught us that provocative and controversial campaigns make the difference between keeping important yet depressing subjects invisible and having them widely seen. corny cop out. The alternative is to be ignored in the torrent of tabloid-style stories that dominate the popular press. right again! i forget, PETA has such a wonderfully respectable reputation. any organization that utilizes pam anderson as a key spokesperson should be taken very seriously.

However, PETA does make a point of having something for all tastes, from conservative to radical and from tasteless to refined, and this approach has proved amazingly successful—in the quarter-century since PETA was first founded, it has grown into the largest animal rights group in the world, with more than 2 million members and supporters worldwide. that's cool. where are the tasteful, refined ads again?

PETA has exposed horrific cruelty in animal laboratories, leading to canceled funding, closed facilities, and hundreds of charges filed by the U.S. Department of Agriculture; convinced cosmetics companies to stop cruel product tests on animals; drawn international attention to what happens to animals in the food, fur, and entertainment industries; closed the largest horse-slaughtering operation in North America; convinced designers to stop using fur; cleaned up substandard animal shelters; helped schools find alternatives to dissection; provided information on vegetarianism, companion-animal care, and countless other issues to millions of people; and been responsible for the first successful prosecution of an animal experimenter under anti-cruelty laws. neat. i'm just gonna come out and say it, 'cause it sounds like you're fishing for a compliment here PETA: you guys are amazing-and under appreciated. i think we should forget about other non-profit organizations (like human rights watch) and even ethically based small corporations (equal exchange...) because their tactics are not as "colorful" and daring as yours. oh mighty PETA, show us the error of our ways!

Some of the above feats were accomplished by months of undercover investigation, careful documentation, and a tireless pursuit of justice through the courts and others by colorful stunts and campaigns that drew international media coverage. Please visit http://www.PETA.org/about to learn more about our vital efforts in behalf of animals everywhere. i've been to your damned site. that's what provoked my initial e-mail. thanks for the canned response, it's super heartfelt!

Thank you again for giving us the chance to explain the thoughts behind our tactics. oh yeah, i'm so glad we had this talk. i feel so convinced. We hope that even though we may not always agree on all points, we can still work together on those ones that we do agree on. uh, i don't agree with the KKK on everything (anything for that matter) or the phelps clan either-and i sure as hell don't work with them. so, while i can respect your struggle for the ethical treatment of animals, if you can't also respect the ethical treatment of my fellow humans, i don't think i really wanna be doin' business with ya anyway.

Sincerely,

Laura McCaul (wait a sec?!!? a woman wrote this? sheesh! that's like sarah palin saying she's a feminist. ugh.)

Correspondence Assistant

PETA Foundation

Please donate today i think not. i'll give my money to "endagered species chocolate" or the ASPCA instead. thanks, though!

tick tock! tick tock! tick tock!

no, that is not the sound of my biological clock tick-tocking away. i just realized that NEXT sunday, march 14th is the day that daylight savings time begins this year. oy vey! didn't we just fall back? this is insanity. that extra hour does come in handy in the evening on the drive home or when you want to go for a bike ride, etc. but i need all the extra hours of zzz's i can get lately.

on top of this, i am feeling befuddled by the true origins of DST. the nasa website credits ben franklin originally, but i've also heard that this began more formally after WWI. yet another site credits LBJ with the DST act of '66 which created the enactment of DST through october. and of late, GW Bush extended that time until november. why does everyone want in on trying to control time? it's all just an illusion, anyway!

my husband has this theory that we should only spring forward a half an hour and consequently only fall back a half an hour in order to keep closer time with the sun. in some respects i agree. we have grown only too accustomed to living outside of realm of solar time. this leads to problems with overuse of energy (lights, etc.), more pollution, and populations of people who are out of synch with their bodies and natural time. i'm beginning to think that it's perhaps high time to do away with DST all together.

thoughts? opinions? suggestions?

i'm here, i'm queer!

i'm so sad and angry this evening that i am having trouble forming coherent thoughts. i am a firm believer in and supporter of the genderqueer movement.

many of my close friends and family are part of the glbtq community. i have worked with pflag. i am aware of the existence of the phelps family-- and have encountered them, unfortunately, on one too many occasions.

however, it never ceases to disturb and sadden me when hate crimes occur. i can recall when matthew shephard was brutally beaten and left for dead. and yet again, only yesterday, a man in a metropolitan city near here was stabbed to death and burned in his home because of who he was: an hiv positive "gender queer" individual who did not fit the prescribed role assigned to him by society. jesus christ.

i don't understand all of this hate and discomfort surrounding the glbtq community. i really don't. if you don't like gay people, fine. just leave them alone. i promise you, they will not shower rainbow dust on you and turn you into a sequined jumpsuit. what i don't understand is how it is "socially unacceptable" to be a racist in this country, but hatred towards gays, lesbians, and other members of the "queer" community is still okay with people? we are the kind of nation that will stand for this? i am disheartened.

we all get one go 'round on this big, bouncy, blue ball we call home and life's too short to go killing people that we don't like. if i killed every asshole that drives a v-12 pick-up truck or who sports the rebel flag, i would be no better than they are--by which i do not mean that anyone in the glbtq community is "less than" the people who so violently attack them; i just simply cannot believe that in 2010 we are still fighting for all humans to be considered equally valuable. we are supposed to be a forward-thinking, well developed country. one look in the newspaper, though, turns my stomach and causes me to wonder if i am reading headlines from a liberated world where people are safe and free, or if these headlines are not better suited for one of those other countries we like to demonize and deem inferior to us. disappointed and disgusted. and as always, proud to be a member of/supporter of/lover of the glbtq community.

much like aunt josephine from lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events, i have an irrational fear of realtors. we have one coming to look at ours this friday. :S i think this disturbs me most because we have so much left to finish and not enough time to do it. however, i hate the idea of opening up my home to someone that i don't know, who i wouldn't otherwise associate with, and who will be judging me based on numerous superficial things. it's weird. i've never done well with popularity contests. you either like me or you don't. and i'm usually okay with that. save the exception of one college professor that i tried so hard to befriend, and the harder i tried, the more i was pushed away. i don't take this too personally, though, either. i wasn't the only one whose love and affection was rejected. and quite frankly, i feel as though it is their loss and not mine. that's either a really healthy way of seeing things, or i'm delusional and too wrapped up in myself sarah silverman style. but i guess i'm okay with that, too. ;) i wish we had the money to call someone in to do the work for us, but we've learned so much renovating on our own. i only hope that our transformations will wow the realtor this friday as much as they seem to wow us. dear, sweet reader, i ask nothing but good vibes from you while we go through this scary, uncharted territory in our home owner's experience. eek!

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

so i've felt pretty puny these past few days. i took advantage of this on friday to delve into a long awaited book, the handmaid's tale by margaret atwood. i would like to think that i have more vocabulary than what i am about to use to sum up this novel, but it was fucking amazing! i've read some pretty kick-ass books in my time, but i ate this up in virtually a day. it was heaven. i curled up on our futon with my snuggly little dog and just read ALL day (and napped). i'm not sure how i made it through 3 years of women's studies without having come across this text, but i am so glad that i found it at my local used book store for only 75 cents. i've now moved on to the bell jar, which i am eating up equally as quickly. i think perhaps i mis-majored and should have gone into english lit. or women's lit. really i just like reading anything that moves me. the handmaid's tale left me curious, angry, and somewhat hopeful--which is what any good book should be able to do--otherwise, what's the point?!? i used to think when i was younger that i, too, would like to write, but i have come to terms with the fact that i am destined to read and enjoy what others have so carefully crafted. atwood gave me a giggle with her *subtle* "Pen Is Envy" line as well. finding a good book is like adding a new friend to your life. it feels like such an accomplishment to have discovered it, spent time with it, and then to put it away for safe-keeping. we cut our cable subscription over 3 years ago and have lived without tv...i mean, we still own a tv. we watch documentaries and dvd's, but we don't watch all the mindless (and expensive) CRAP that is on tv, and i can safely say that i don't miss it. i love curling up on the couch with a good read and being alone with my thoughts as opposed to putting up with the incessant commercials, obnoxious sounds and bad jokes that are all over the place. i know people who have satellite and cable with 600+ channels that probably pay out the wazoo for their service, and there is rarely anything worthwhile on. sure, there's the occasional film, or a good documentary, but with netflix or the internet, your money's better spent on those services as opposed to crap tv. all this, just to say, i spent a helluva weekend with atwood and am looking forward to my week with plath. hooray books!

V-O-M-I-T (sung to the tune of "Bingo was his name-O"

it's been a rough couple of days. i got a migraine tuesday and i woke up in the middle of the night wednesday with what can either be classified as the ol' gastrointestinal bug or food poisoning. :( to make matters worse, i also had to spend the night mopping up the bathroom floor, and am currently washing all of the bathmats. good times. on the bright side, i got up this morning only to find that i had started my period. while i would normally be disgruntled by this, i recently ordered the diva cup (http://www.divacup.com/)and was able to put it to use for the first time, so i was pleased. it quelled my worries that it would be gross, uncomfortable, or just plain weird. it was pretty darned easy, and despite the fact that i still feel like crap, i feel pretty good for just having had some sort of bug AND my period. i'm digging the fact that i'm environmentally friendly at a very basic level. what tickles me even more is that i bought the correct size unlike my good friend who found one at whole foods the other day. she's 23. she bought size 2 which is for women 30 or over or who have given birth. she's obviously not 30, and no, she's never had kids. so...while i'm gloating at my new eco-friendly purchase, she has her's on the shelf for the next 7 years. hey, at least she's prepared! as for myself, i'm off to test out the BRAT (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) diet and get back on track for the weekend and weeks to come.

pissed at PETA

first of all, don't spaz out over what i had intended to be today's blog photo: it's just some harmless fruits and veggies! http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:26908 and i love my veggies, but i can't say the same about PETA. as many of you may know, PETA has a long history of objectifying women, but i hadn't looked into it too much until today. i received an e-mail thanking me for requesting the free PETA veggie starter kit (i love free shit, okay?!) and also e-viting me to participate in the PETA sexiest vegetarian next door contest. http://sexyvegnextdoor2010.peta.org/PastWinners.aspx at first i thought this might be a joke, or at least something clever. not so. it's just beefy man-hunks and wretchedly skinny praying mantis women oiled up and scantily clad. so i responded to PETA's e-mail with the following:

Subject: PETA Complaint

To Whom It May Concern:

There are many things I like about PETA's promotion of vegetarianism and creating a more animal friendly world. However, I have come to find that many of the advertisements used by your organization display blatant sexism and objectification of the human body. If we are to be kinder to our animal brethren, then perhaps a good step in that direction would be by promoting a healthier image of the human body. By doing so, this would not promote health or well-being by current societal standards of "beauty" and "sexiness" as is the case with the PETA Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door Contest. Many vegetarians are quite content with their bodies no matter how they look, and putting the body on display to be judged by others makes us no better than animals for sale at livestock show. Frankly, I am disappointed by this contest as well as some of PETA's previous ad campaigns objectifying the human body. Shape up, PETA! Try a contest that tests vegetarian creativity or humor as opposed to something that aligns itself with the current white, male-dominant patriarchal oppression.

Sincerely,

etudiante.enragee (you thought i was going to give the game away, there for a minute, didn't you?) ha!

i just can't stand the constant obejectification of not only the female body (although it is much more readily used, just check out some of PETA's ad photos!!!) but the human body all together. now i probably sound like a prude. and i'm sure the person who reads my e-mail at PETA will think i'm a fatty; both are beside the point. the point is: yes, the human body is a beautiful thing, but why should we be rewarded for buying into the current myths about what is beautiful and appealing? argh. i wanna see some pics of meaty women in that case--and i don't mean that size 12 model that they referred to as "plus sized" at the fashion show this past week!!! http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123604722&ps=cprs
all this unhealthy body image business is driving me crazy! it makes me want to submit a photo of myself to PETA in a ski suit or peeking out of the shower while munching on a carrot stick.

let's reevaluate sex and beauty and fight the powers that be!

you say ca-nah-dah, i say ca-nuh-duh

there's been a lot of talk over the past few months about france's president sarkozy wanting to ban the burqua. http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-july-1-2009/burka-ban
but until now, it seemed like idle threats. i suppose we should have known better seeing as how sarko is a man who, for better or worse, gets things done. nothing has been done...yet. however, the report is under review and may be passed into law if enough supporters are willing to back it.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122981366
in reading Anushay Hossain's essay on NPR, i couldn't agree more with her statement that sarko's woman-empowered lingo simply attempts to cover up the fact that he, too, is trying to exercise patriarchal power over a female minority.
i'm a feminist. i've got a degree in women's studies. i wrote a thesis on gender roles; but i don't pretend to have answers to questions such as these. i think it's pretentious and very "western do-gooder" of us to tell an entire culture of people why we think they are wrong and we are right. this is one of those battles that quickly becomes a pot-ay-to/po-tah-to war. no woman should be forced to do something by the culture or government in which she lives. WOMAN'S CHOICE is key in many of these issues. i hate breast implants. i think they're ugly and unsafe; i also think that many women get them for all the wrong reasons...but lo and behold, if a woman decides freely that bigger knockers are going to improve her quality of life, may she knock herself out to get them. the same goes for the veil, burqua, niquab, and the women who CHOOSE to wear them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoN0o9Sg6QA
i hate to ride the fence on this issue, but i can't say that david beckham forced posh to get those breasts augmented any more than i can say that every woman who wears the symbol of her muslim beliefs is being forced to do so. i think at the root of many of these problems is a society that devalues women's worth as well as promoting standards that reinforce women as the property of men. it's not just islam--look at fundamental christians!!! i've got a real soft spot for the muslims of the world right now. between all this burqua business, consistently being targeted as terrorists, and now with the swiss on their case, (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/30/world/europe/30swiss.html) they have become to the 2000's what the communists represented during the cold war...hey wait! americans still don't like communists. well, you get my point. i don't think it is through governmental bans that we will make progress in global muslim relations. no one would like it if a ban were passed with regard to christian steeples (except perhaps the jehova's witnesses) nor would they like it if we tried to ban sweatpants and ugg boots. all i'm saying is that if everyone tried to pass laws about people they hated, we'd all have to sit at home naked. that would get boring and cold pretty darned quick. lay off the layered ladies, unless of course you are asked to be a good western savior--in which case, onward christian soldiers!

she-mullet, or the day my trendy died

i feel kristen stewart's pain. i used to be trendy. i mean, i was never "cool" per se, but i almost always looked cool. i buzzed my head pre-brittany à la natalie portman; i wore doc martens in the 5th grade; i've seen my fair share of tie-dye, black nail polish, and big, slutty earrings. those were the good ol' days. pre-recession days. days where spending $30 to get my hair cut didn't seem frivolous. those were also the days when i had a haircut buddy who would entertain me while i had to sit in the hot seat. those days are long gone and so is my haircut buddy. :( i haven't had a haircut since december of 2009. that may not seem like long, but when you have short hair, it's an eternity. i'm sure that kristen stewart is suffering from recession haircut syndrome, too. or maybe she just needs a good haircut buddy. i should e-mail her agent. perhaps i could get a free haircut out of the deal. in any case, i'm sitting here looking at all the ways kristen and my hair make us doppelgangers, and i find myself justifying her she-mullet: "it's euro-hipster cool," "who cares if she doesn't wash it everyday--it's better for the environment," "at least she's not wrapped up in her physical appearance," and so on and so forth. the long and short of it is, krissy and i both need a mullet like we need a hole in the head. unfortunately, until i can find somewhere that will cut my she-mullet for less than $30 or a haircut buddy to convince me to go anyway, (which is not likely to happen any time soon) i am going to forfeit physical attractiveness for financial well being. on the bright side, perhaps my new look is yet another pre-trend setting look that will even inspire a return of the much beloved 1980's mullet. only time will tell.

the moldy mind of cuckoo chanel

today i begin a series on my professional life. i hope to include one entry per week for the next few weeks on my experiences (good, bad, and just plain ugly) in my current field of employment.

i teach. i mention this matter of factly in passing because it is simply a machiavellian means to an end for me currently. i am not like some of my former professors who feeling that teaching is their calling in life. kumaravdivelu does not make me orgasm when i say his name. in fact it really just makes me think of iron butterfly's "in-a-gadda-da-vida" simpson-style (perhaps due to the syllables?) ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGmkM4v9AaY

verbs are not my passion, nor are my students. this is not to say that i do not like or care about my students. i do. at least some of them...however, in the two years that i have taught, i have seen my fair share of freaks, geeks, and assholes. what really blows my mind is the cost of education these days and the lack of appreciation that the majority of students show with regard to this.

i teach at a nondescript school in the midwest. by the time my students have enrolled and paid for the course, books, and online materials...they have probably spent somewhere between $1500 and $3000 (depending upon whether they pay in-state or out-of-state tuition). not only does this sum seem extravagant to me because it is a lot of money for a family to have to spend on education, i don't see much of that coming back to me in my bi-weekly pay check. when i stare at a classroom full of twenty or so students, i can't help wondering where the approximate $45000 for my class has gone. yes, i have some "nice" teaching equipment, but it is not mine. i don't even get health insurance. oh, i could pay out of pocket for it, but what it would cost me to do so would eat up 2/3 of my monthly earnings. this leaves me feeling slightly bitter towards my alma mater (who also currently employs me). i know, i know, you don't bite the hand that feeds you. that's why this blog is anonymous!

furthermore, my wages don't compensate me for the time and effort that go into planning a successful lesson, nor do they make up for the way that i have been treated by students. i like to joke around a lot in class. i'm not that much older than the majority of my students, and i find that we all get along better in the long run if we can laugh and have a good time. this bit me in the ass last semester.

i had a student who was apparently very literal. my jokes and this student en faisaient deux as the french would say. cuckoo chanel would come into class everyday and make a 5-10 scene about selecting the appropriate desk...i tried to nip this in the bud early on in the semester, but to no avail. this picky choosy behavior appeared to drive others in the class as crazy as it did me. i tried hard to be patient, but it was really too much. the kicker is that this young woman (who very obviously had some issues of her own) would pick on another student in class who displayed what can only be categorized as "socially awkward behavior." perhaps i should have deduced from the dynamic that this particular class was a force with which to be reckoned...but i did not. i carried on in my usual manner joking about working for the man as well as responding to a student that their final exam time was actually during happy hour in most places. all of this landed me in my boss's office following a complaint by cuckoo chanel. i apologized (sincerely, i might add, too) for i had no idea that my comments had offended; i was forgiven by my boss, but not my student! the wrath of teacher evaluations came crashing down upon me a couple of weeks ago when i received scathing comments from cuckoo chanel. i was accused of "belittling my students" and getting "angry" with them as well as using "inappropriate language" and "talking too much about my personal life." what the f*%#? cuckoo chanel claimed that i made her life so miserable that she would have quit my class had she not desperately needed the credits. ouch. now i know i'm not perfect, but i did feel lambasted on this one. i tried not take it too personally, however. i taught the same class at another time last semester and received nothing but positive comments from those little gemstones! they saw me for who i really was. they were my saving grace. otherwise, cuckoo chanel could have led to my demise.

this situation alone would have been enough to push me over the edge last semester, but it was not my only pedagogical plight at nondescript university. next week i will submit another tale from the crypt that will be equally chilling and disturbing.