how to lose a friend in one dress

the luscious lavender dress to your left is what i was subjected to this summer in a friend's wedding, plus gold hooker heels. strike one. i'm not built like the skeleton in the picture, however, and that much lavender looks gross on anyone. david's bridal is also not known for quality...so you can imagine my woes. what's even funnier is how over the past months this dress has come to embody so much more than just my hatred for sweatshops in china, or the color purple. it has become somewhat of a metaphor, or symbol, an omen if you will, of the friendship that once forced me into those duds.

i mentioned earlier this week while ranting about suburbia, that i had been dumped by my best friend. well, things have only gotten worse. for a brief recap: my friend, (and for the purpose of this blog, we'll refer to her a phyllis) and i met five years ago at a not-so liberal midwestern college. i didn't really want to befriend her in the first place as i am a grouch by nature, but eventually realized that she was a nice person and perhaps worth my time. we did margarita nights, i would spend the night at her house once a week to avoid commuting in the dark, we would listen to music and occasionally smoke some pot only to find that we were really good at jeopardy when we did. phyllis would occasionally come to my husband and my house for dinner as well. over the years we saw phyllis through various boyfriends: mister i love god so let's get married tomorrow, mister has less personality than a paper plate, mister i seem as though i could be on parole, mister hefty leprechaun, and two 'bouts with mister current husband.

now, i'm not trying to make it sound as though i am faultless in our relationship. however, i think i did a pretty darned good job of supporting phyllis in all her life choices. when phyllis and mister current husband decided to tie the knot, though, the circumstances were less than favorable and also very forced by members of phyllis' family (yes, it was one of those weddings). nevertheless, i attended extravagant bridal showers and assisted with as much wedding goo as i could from a distance. i couldn't help feeling that there was a lot of waste taking place, however, and so i mentioned this to phyllis. she told me i was just jealous. not so much, but okay, lesson learned. mouth shut. what i would guess to be several tens of thousands of dollars later, the wedding took place and phyllis was a lovely bride albeit exhibiting behavior that was less attractive than that of a demure debutante. in other words, she was kind of a bitch to her bridal party and guests. i bussed tables at phyllis' wedding instead of partaking in the wedding festivities because phyllis' mother asked me to. strike two.

phyllis then left on a honeymoon and i did not hear from her for nearly two months. then one day a belated thank you showed up from the wedding. now, i'm not miss manners, but proper etiquette for thank you's tends to fall in the week to ten day period for most civilized beings. helas, our blushing bride must have skipped over that section of bride's magazine during her pre-wedding mani/pedi.

from this point, phyllis and i drifted further and further apart. she partaking in the new found joys of suburbia and planning for spawn #1, and i working three part-time jobs and writing a thesis while trying to remodel a home and keep a marriage healthy. indeed, we had less and less in common than when we first became friends. the real jot came sunday when phyllis deleted me sans warning from facebook. strike three . a couple of sassy e-mails from the both of us ensued, but in the end i decided to take the high road. i plead my case to phyllis in an e-mail that more or less called a truce...i have still heard nothing from her. you're outta here! despite this, she has kept some "mutual" friends on facebook, which irks me because they are people i introduced her to.

in addition to hurt feelings, i don't even have the hideous dress in my possession to dispose of: consignment or the chiminea seem appropriate at this point. i tend to analyze everything from a feminist perspective, but i can't get over the sexist notion that men "duke it out" when they have a problem and women get "catty" and mean. i don't understand how two relatively intelligent beings can fall into this trap, but apparently we have, and sadly, i am out nearly a $150 for the dress and shoes, as well as the dress itself, and more importantly the friendship that landed me in the dress in the first place. woe is me for the loss of a hideous dress and previously good friendship. i've got hurt feelings, but thank goodness for good cheese in my fridge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzUPEB1TkkI